If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
