Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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