she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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