Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
