So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
