i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
