i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
