my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
