I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
