ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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