i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
