I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
