i just had sex bonerless
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
