i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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