Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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