The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
