They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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