you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
