Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
