just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
