I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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