Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
