Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
