no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
