my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
