He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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