Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
