the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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