Screwed.edu
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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