he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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