3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
