Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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