Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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