the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at about main and main street
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
