ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i need some magic done to my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
