A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We have so much sex to catch up on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
