im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
