there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
