I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
