i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I will pee on everything he values.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
