If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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