C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
