Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
