he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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