It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
