It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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