You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
