Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
where are my eyebrows?
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