My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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