I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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