Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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