I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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