Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
